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maandag 4 april 2011


Hello my dear readers,

For those who live in Holland (or around Holland), have you noticed? Spring has finally started! Isn't it great? The sun in shining, people smile more often, and couples pop up everywhere! It makes me feel all the more shitty because I feel depressed when everything should be great!

Normally spring would be my most favorite season. I love how the flowers bloom, how the sun is nice and doesn't burn of your skin the moment you step out of the house, baby sheep are being born! The green is young and the clouds lovely white and fluffy! Normally I love this. But this year around, I might even hate it more then I did last year.

Spring turns out the be the season I get the most hardship thrown my way. Last year it was my exam -and even though I put up a decent collection I still fucked up because it wasn't MY collection, but the collection I had to make for school-, this year it's my grades and the maybe end of my going to school. Along with some other shit that happened that are really all my own fault. Which of course makes it suck even more.

I just started recovering from my winter depression and now I suddenly got a spring depression! And I'm pretty sure it's not going to be fixed by swallowing medication or putting myself under a special lamp.

I really need to find something fun to do for myself or something. I promised a classmate I would make cookies again sometime soon. But you know what? The thing about cookies, pie, cake and muffins is, that I love making them and I Love to see my friends and other people enjoy them, but I dislike them myself. I don't taste them for some reason.

My classmate said my room smelled like cookies, apparently. My ex always used to tell me I smelled like fresh baked cookies. Could that be the reason I can't taste my own baking? One more thing I ruin for myself. But in this case there is very little I can do about it I guess.

But I guess since I made the promise, I'm going to be baking coconut cookies soon. Maybe I'll make cinnamon muffins as well, maybe. At least m gonna get praised for it, and I get to see my friends enjoy my baking again. Its one of the little things I enjoy in life, I guess. It's just to bad the fear of one day loosing those praises, or smiling faces always looms in the back of my head.

I will shut up todays rant now.

Until next the next, hopefully more happy rant.

2 opmerkingen:

  1. Spring :D i can smell again xD

    "and couples pop up everywhere!"

    one thing that depresses me >_<

    its the same with people that work at macdonalds and stuff :P they hardly ate the food there anymore :)

    "I smelled like fresh baked cookies."

    NOM NOM NOM >_<

    there is a shampoo that gives the smell of fresh baked cookies >_< small shampoo shop in spijkenisse got that one.. :P
    But you smell like that naturally ? its a huge compliment you always smell deliciouses then <:)

    "Could that be the reason I can't taste my own baking?"

    Dislike cannibalism ? >_<

    last few things.

    1) i'm jealous of your friends getting those treats xD
    2) Dont worry im pretty sure your friends are rooting for you ;) me 2 btw xD
    3) lets hope how warmer it gets how better you feel :D
    4) oke now i want some sweets/cookies xD

    *im going to rob the cabinet for something sweet*

    Groetjes cristiaan

  2. Hey Michi,

    I hate to hear that you're depressed =( You're always the most energetic person in the class! I really like you especially because of that, although I might not always show it ;). I really don't want you to have to quit this year, so if you ever need help you know that I (and the rest) are always here to help you :)
    And about the fun part: Maybe you can combine that with studying. Just drop by for dinner sometimes (announced) and study together, that sort of thing :)

    Your baking is really good btw, keep them coming, those cupcakes and whatnot :D

    See you at school :)