I wanted to write a bit about 'the here and now' for me.
Why I want to write about something like that? Because it is really important to me to live in the here and now, instead of the past, or the future.
I used to live in the past. I used to think about all the things I did wrong, all the things that where good and all the things I wanted to return too.
There's a lot I wanted to change. I wanted to change that I never played with children my age. I wanted to change that I never paid attention in class. I wanted to change that no one liked me, no matter how hard I tried to have them like me.
I wanted to correct all the errors I made with friends. I wanted to re-do all the bad grades I got. I wanted to be better.
I wanted to return to the happy innocent days of my childhood, where I'd sit in a little circle with all my plush and have a tea party, a school or a therapy session because my bear was o-so-sad.
I wanted to return to the happy days with a dear friend of me who I chased away.
But the past is something that happened. The past is something that was. The past can never be again. What if's and I should have done it differently's won't get you anywhere. The past is the past and will always be nothing but the past. Happy memories, sad memories. Things that have been.
I don't know when it happened but I got to a point where I accepted this. Its okay like this. I can't change that which has been, but I can learn from my mistakes. And I will.
I've spend days thinking of the future. As a child you think of what you're doing to be, what your doing to do. I wanted to be a fish breeder or a cat breeder. I wanted to be a Prima Ballerina. I wanted to be a Cello soloist. I wanted to be perfect, I wanted to be a fashion designer, I wanted to be.... There's so many things. So many things I wanted to be.
But have you ever thought of being happy and healthy, having a place in the world that you like? It would be strange, no? To be asked what you want to be and answer "I want to be happy and healthy". Even though its something we all want to be, you never hear one say it when asked what they want to be. But in that long long list of things you want to be, isn't being happy and healthy the most important thing? I think it is.
Maybe we should all start answering we want to be happy and healthy when someone asks us what we want to be and say what we want to do, or become, when they ask us what we want to do, or become.
And because I want to be happy and healthy, I started to live in the now. I want to work on the me in the current time, not the future, or the past. Now is the only time we have right now. So thats the time we should live our life's in, or at least that's my opinion.
So I'm going to do my best in school. I'm going to study hard and get good grades. I'm going to try and live healthy, eating healthy, drinking a lot of water and taking the bike instead of the bus, even when its raining.
And most importantly, I'm going to work on the Me I have now. I'm going to learn from my past and change what I can so I won't make the same mistakes again. I'm going to work hard for a pretty, happy and healthy future. I'm going to work for a place in the future that is just for me. And I'm doing so day by day, month by month. I'm doing so in the here and now.
And that is why the here and now is so important to me.
I wonder what your opinion is.
Thats it for now.
Back to my studies.