Somewhat lost...

Hello there,

M just posting something quick today.

Today is the first day of my spring break. This week I'm going to sewing a lot (need to finish the maid costumes and a costume for my sister) and I got lots of homework and studying to do. I need to study harder for Japanese. Even though I'm doing okay, I'm still really slow and, well, I got this feeling that I'm actually doing quite bad with Japanese.

And I feel lost. I'm stuck and I don't know which goal to reach to, or which path to take. I like to see life as a road. Right now I have tons of little roads I can take but, I don't know which one! And everyone around me seems to be taking those little roads without much hesitation.

I want to take life as it is at the moment, but, I do want to keep moving forward somewhat. Now I just feel stuck. I really don't know what I want to do with my life. The truth is, I'm a real wanna-be-something. The things like cute and a fashion designer are things I have been wanting to be/become for ages but other then that. I sometimes wonder if I'm not just riding on other peoples ideals, and they enthusiasm they have for the things they love. I keep finding that I do that a lot, these days. I wonder if I used to do it even more. I mean, at least now I no longer try to be the person other people wanted me to become.

Some days ago someone asked my why I was becoming so distant from them. Maybe even a bit hostile? When I thought about that I had to admit to myself that I've become distant and hostile to almost all of my old friends. Maybe its because I'm changing? I'm becoming someone els and they no longer know the me who I have become? Maybe I've become distant and hostile because, because... because I think/feel they still want me to be the old me? I don't know.

An other friend made me think about something els. I have learned to appreciate things more then I used to. Like fashion. Or cloths in general. Art as well. I've always appreciated music (I've just never been completely obsessed with an idol or band).

Maybe I'm just thinking to much and living to little. Who knows.
Just my little rant.

Until next time <3