10 Day Challenge: Progress

Hello my dears,

It has been some time since I last posted, I know. Lets just say a lot of things have been going on in my live, like work, love, hate, confusion and just plain chaos. There are a lot of things I'm looking forward to (positive things) and an equal lot of things I do not look forward to (negative things). For one, I'm going to meet a person again, whom I'm afraid of, in the very near future. Not something to look forward to.

But! School is also starting soon. And as weird as it might sound to some of you, I'm really looking forward to it! I can't wait to get started again and learn new things, get to know new people! And to show myself (and others) I can actually do it!

After some fighting with myself I finally started the 10 day challenge. It has turned out to be a lot harder then I thought. To think up all the details I want my "perfect day" to have. Not to mention, my "perfect day" sometimes changes from day to day. But at least I started. I'm working on my "perfect days" and I already learned a thing or to about myself.

I have changed my mind about posting them though. I AM still going to post them, just not on my blog. The 10 day challenge posts will be posted on my Live journal (yes, very oldschool, but you got to love it) and I will posts the links to them in a combined post about the end result! How does that sound?

An other thing I changed: There are going to be 10 days, but not 10 days right after each other. Sometimes I'm so confused about things that I can hardly write about them. So I'm just working on things until I finished an other "perfect day". I'm just doing it the way I think will help me best , so... None will blame me for it, right?

I'm just going to do it the way I think is the best. I think thats the best way to go, don't you?

There are a lot of things I want to write, and want to do right now. But I think the best thing for me to do, is to try to study a little, and after that to maybe write about my perfect day again.

Love you,

Chibi Ohimesama

Dazed, But I made it.

Just a really quick update:

I'm still really dazed, I can hardly believe it, but....
I passed... I've become a second year student of our Japan study... It's still really hard to grasp.

I think that somewhere I started to prepare myself for not making it, so making it still kinda came as a (pleasant and welcome) shock.

Ones I get out of my daze (and everything is arranged for the new year) I will start updating again.

Thank you all for the support,
Love you guys

Need for study....

Hello my Dears,

I want to start with a happy note: I PASSED MY JAPANESE SPEAKING RETAKE (and I seriously have no idea how). I'm super happy :D because this means I still have a chance. I'm on my way to my 4th blok period tests now. So I got 4 more Japanese tests to go. Which means that I have to study like hell!!

There are a lot of things I need to do: I need to study English, I need to study Japanese cultural knowledge and I need to study every aspect of the Japanese language we have had up until now. So that means I have to study Japanese grammar, Japanese Kanji, Japanese listening, and Japanese speaking. Thats a lot of studying, believe me on that.
I only have a few more days for everything, and I'm kinda freaking out. Okay, I'm really freaking out. I'm really glad I have my Japanese speaking test 2 weeks from now, instead of coming week. So I have more time for that. But I really just want to pass it all.

I really want to become a second year student. I want to have cute little kohai (students of a lower grade then me), and just really get to my goal! I want to stay and have fun with everybody, and feel like I'm finally doing what I like! Which is this study!!

But sadly, I get distracted really fast -I am, after all, typing this blog entry instead of studying, aren't I?- so I have to get rid of my distractions. How am I going to do this??? I'm going to cancel my number one distraction: The Internet.

After I finished this post, I'm going to exit my browser. So that means:
- No more facebook
- No more tumblr
- No more twitter
- No more blogging (after this one)
- Lots and lots of studying
- Small little fun breaks in between, but only when I finished a subject. And no longer then 10 to 20 minutes
- 2 or 3 big breaks of 30 to 60 minutes MAX

And I am going to try my absolute best!! I WILL become a second year student of the Japanese language!!

Please with me luck, cheer me on, and I will come back to you after my tests are over to update you on the end results!

Love you guys!!

Until next time

Another Quick update!

Hello my Dears,

Just a quick update today!
I bought a curl iron for my new haircut. I saw all these cute messy curl hairdo's for short hair, and I wanted to try it out. But I needed a curl iron for that, and I didn't have one yet. A curl iron has been on my want-list for ages, so this week I finally got one!
This is the end result:

I know all my facebook followers already saw it, but... It's so super cute I just wanted to show it in my blog, as well!

Lets see. One more week until I have to do my retake on Japanese speaking. I'm super nervous about it. I really don't know if I can make it, but I'm going to do my best!! Really I am!
I have been listening to our Japanese listening CD every moment I'm pretty much doing nothing. I'm even listening at it as I'm typing this! I'm listening to the grammar and I'm trying to translate it, sort of.

After next week I also have my new exams. Once again I have Japanese speaking, Japanese Listening, Japanese writing and Japanese reading. I'm not as confident about these exams as I have been about the last ones. I feel like I didn't do enough to be able to pas them. Even though I actually have been doing quite a bit if I think really hard on it. But I'm going to study super hard! I already decided to put even more time in my studies. Maybe even get a little less sleep every other day or so, and drink coffee. Well, drinking coffee is something I actually like, but normally don't do because it keeps me awake if I drink it after 2 PM or so.

I really really really hope I pass my exams. I really want to stay and learn more, to become a PR person in a Japanese fashion magazine or brand. That would be so cool!

aah. Did I mention I bough sneakers? I don't think I did. Here they are!

I know it isn't the prettiest picture but, these are my new babies. They are a bit hot for summer weather but they are so pretty! And comfi! I'm planning on getting new summer shoes as well. But I haven't found my perfect pair yet. I will keep looking, when I have time, besides studying, haha.

I think that is my update for now. I will keep my dear readers (you) updated about my exams the coming period, and the results, of course! Please wish me luck!!

Until next time, my dears!

Stress..

Hi there...

As the title says this entry is about stress.

Something I am, sadly, dealing with right now. And not just this moment, no, I have been dealing with it for the past one and a half, maybe two years. And its really frustrating.
Stress makes me sad. Stress makes me tired. Stress makes me even more stressed and stress hurts my body...
It makes me feel insecure, it makes me feel like everything I do takes a big chunk of energy out of me. It makes it hard to focus.

There are lots of things that stress me out right now.
Not being able to follow school all to well because of stress is one of them. Why can't I follow school all to well because of the stress? Because stress makes me tired. Which, in turn, makes that I stress about not being able to follow school. Do you notice the lovely little spiral in this?
Not being sure about the people around me is an other stress factor. And I don't mean my friends (and some of the classmates I already consider friend) but the people outside my little friend bubble. There are just some people I can't handle right now and that gives me stress as well. Like some of my housemates. Or some other people.
Homework kind of gives me stress to. I really need to make a list on the things I should make, because I keep forgetting (being extra chaotic is a side effect of stress, too) and then I end up stressed because I forgot to make it.

And the 'best' thing about stress? It can leave its mark on you for about half a year, sometimes even a year. Yay, great.

I'm really happy that I have so many people supporting me. They keep me going and keep me from being a coward and running away. Love you girls (and guys).

~

On a happier note. I really love my Japanese classes. The Japanese teachers are all really nice and I love the way they teach us they're language. I am trying my best with studying.
Living on my own is going really well as well. I love cooking. When I have time I am going to try out baking too.

Thats it for now,
*waves* baibai
chibiohimesama

Confuseld

Hi,

I'm confuseld. Yesterday really upset me and now I've gone to school 2 hours earlier then my first class because I was SURE it said 8.45... which it doesn't....
And I don't like being alone...
*pouts*
O well, I guess things like this happen to everyone. Hopefully today will be a better then then yesterday. And I really hope I don't start hyperventilating in my Japanese class. I'm really afraid of that right now...
Wish me good luck?

chibiohimesama

(ps. Yes confused is written wrong and yes I did it on purpous)

Sometimes...

Hi there,

I just want to write a little, so here I go.

I had a small panic attack today, followed by a hyperventilating attack that lasted from 1 pm to 7.30 pm or something. I'm used to having small panic attacks. I just try to stay as calm as possible. If I start panicking it just gets worse. But the hyperventilation was awful.
My mom and sister both have hyperventilation, where they have big attacks. So I know what they are. I already had small ones. But because I know what they are I could control those. But this one was big, really big, it was really awful.

What caused this panic and hyperventilation? I can't help but be slightly ashamed of it, but a classmate caused it. An absent classmates. While we were having a presentation in class.
And the stress of having our first real Japanese speaking class, with a real Japanese teacher, along with the fear of not doing it right, and failing.

Now something like this really shouldn't cause me to hyperventilate, should it? It really shouldn't. But it does. Now I do have to admit there's a lot more to the classmate story then just the above, but I'm not going to post it all on the internet.

And I have a huge fear of failure. My failure. My thoughts behind that are these:
If I fail something I will look stupid and people will think I'm stupid and not like me and thus I will end up alone.
Stupid? Yes. I can't get out of this way of thinking as fast as I wish I could, but luckily I at least know I'm not the only one with this way of thinking. And I know failure won't mean people will start disliking me. It helps.... but I still fear failing.

On the bright side:
I had a great birthday <3
I got 'happy birthday' wishes from a lot of friends (which makes me feel really loved)
A friend all but dragged me to go and get 'friet' with her friends (she didn't want me to be alone on my birthday).
And after I got home a housemate had baked me a pie <3 (we ate it with the whole house)

It was my first birthday away from home. And at first I was really sad. Because of personal reasons we're not celebrating my birthday until... November? That got me really sad (even if it means that in November we will get the whole family together). But this totally made my day. <3

I also want to say I miss my friends from my old school, I think of you a lot <3
And I really like my new friends, the ones I made at my new school. I hope we will have a fun school period together <3

Chibiohimesama

Hi there,

I just felt like writing this early morning.

I'm feeling happy right now. I'm loving being on my own, having my own things to take care of and not having all kinds of people bossing me around and telling me what I should and should not do. It feels like freedom (even with all the homework) to be able to do my own thing, live my own pace.

I'm feeling better now. Better then I did half a year ago. Or even year ago. Intern really wasn't a nice experience for me. I was already afraid of the intern because my last inturn didn't go all to well. Because of personal reasons and a huge miscommunication I got kicked out of my first internship. The second internship was nice, the people were nice to me, but I hardly did anything other then pulling out threats and stitches.
Because of that I got introduced to a Comstume/Carnival atelier. So I could learn to make special cloths and costumes. But in truth it was a Costume/Carnival RENTAL and a change/repair atelier. I stayed there because I wanted to finish the inturn, prove myself I could do it. Though I have to say I learned a few new tricks there and that the lady and her husband where nice to me, the inturn period messed me up. They both didn't say things directly and didn't show their emotions, at all (she looked moody when talking in a sugery laced voice to her grandchild).
That is why I think you should always be direct to people about things that bother you. Not in a rude way, but in a polite but direct way, after or during the happening of the annoyance. Don't let it bottle up inside and then let it out when the other person maybe already forgot about it.
That's what happened with them. After a while I started always worrying if I did everything okay, or if they where mad at me without me knowing. It really damaged my trust in people, my self-worth and self confidence.

And the exama pretty much ruined my love for making/designing cloths. Why? I didn't do my thing during my exams. I was so focused on doing what I thought other people expected of me, what I knew would get me the right grades to pass the exam, that I forgot to do my own thing with my collection and, more importantly even, have FUN during the process of making my collection.
For those who haven't followed it: I am now a graduated tailored fashion specialist and during my exam I had to make a perfectly tailored and costom made collection existing out of 5 clothing pieces. For me that was a bodysuit, a (plastic see-trough) jacket, a waist pants, a top, a dress and a gilet.
The exams, my not doing my own thing and just everything together ruined my love for making cloths. It took me quite a while to recover from that. I was afraid to finish the maid costumes I've been entrusted with, as well as the Princess Princess (anime) dress that I was asked to make. I had lost all confidence in myself.
So you should always do what feels best, what feels right to you. Don't just do things because other people expect you to do it, it will only make you feel bad and ruin the love you have for the things you're doing.

I've gotten it back now. My self confidence, my wanting to do my own thing, my trust in me. I have really enjoyed finishing the maid costumes and the Princess Princess dress. I'm even thinking of making my own cloths again, not just costumes. Living on my own really did me well. I'm growing up a bit, learning new things and discovering new things. I'm becoming a bit more me each day. And I love it. I love me!

I want to write about the maid costumes next time. Maybe I will.
I have to go to school now though :) I wish you all a happy day.

And remember: Always do what feels right and follow your heart.

*waves* baibai
chibiohimesama.

New chapters.

Hello there,

This little princess has been a busy little princess these past few weeks.
Like you might have read in earlier posts, I've started the new chapters of my lige called: A new study, as well as the chapter called: Living on my own.
I wanted to tell you a bit about both of them.

A new study.
2 Weeks ago i started my new study. For those who are wondering, I am studying Japanese. We're going to be educated to be an intermediary in English-Japanese International businesses.
The first week was the introduction week. We met our classmated and some really nice second graders showed us around the school. I have to say I really like my class.
We're all rally different from eachother, but we get long quite well. At least I think we do. I relaly like it that we al have a love for the Japanese language. I think it is because of that, that we get along so well. I hope we all become friends, somewhat, and will have a nice school period.
The second week we had our first classes. It was really different from what I'm used to, as i have studied (and graduated) to become a tailored/costom made cloths specialist before. It's a lot of theoratical stuff and a lot more homework then I'm used to. But even so I'm having a lot of fun. I'm discovering new parts of myself. And I really like studying from books a lot.
I can't wait untill we get started in our real Japanese study books. We are going to use the Japanese study books called: Minna no Nihongo (みんなの日本語). I'm really excited about going to use them. I have to admit that up untill now I only know the Hirigana (and it takes me a bit to recognize them when I'm reading a text, BUT I'm already quite happy about how well it's going). I was studying my Katakana when I decided I needed to put an entry on my blog <3.

Living on my own.
Now living on my own is a whole lot different from what I expected it to be. Sure I have a lot of fun taking care of myself, doing my own cooking and having a place (a whole 11 square meter) to call my own. But the housemate thing is a bit tricky every now and then.
Now don't get me wrong, I have housemates that are really nice. But some of them are a bit... messy. And I really like clean. And most of my housemates are really outgoing people, they go out, drink, have parties and the likes. And I don't go out, drink (a lot) or do just the general student stuff. But it's just the start of the school year so who knows how that will turn out to be later on.
I'm doing really well with cooking and cleaning my own (and sometimes my floor mates) dishes. The problem is doing my own laundry. Not that I don't know how to do it, because I do. But we have to buy coins for the washing machine (it's a coin operated machine). and the coin gives us 3 hours to wash. Now for the problem: I Don't have enough cloths to put in the washine machine for 3 hours (we can do 2 laundry's in 2 hours) in one week. But on the other hand I don't have enough cloths to NOT do my laundry at least once a week. So thats a thing I have to kind of figure out.

Well that's about it for the new chapters of my storie. That is, unless you want to add the chapter: Current obsessions. I founf the site of the @home maid cafe by accident and have been hooked up on it ever since. I totally love the way it looks and the way it shows the profiles of the totally cute maids. I really want to go to the @home cafe if I go to Japan. And I looked at the blogs some of the maids have. I saw most of the blogs use a lot of Hirigana and little kanji. So i figured I could maybe use this little overly sweet addiction to help me keep up with reading Hirigana (and the kanji they use).
Just so you don't worry, I only look at it when I have finished my homework.

I think that's all for today. I should get some more tea and study the rest of my katakana now.
I hope you enjoyed this little update on the chapters of my life.

*waves* BaiBai