Hi there,

I just felt like writing this early morning.

I'm feeling happy right now. I'm loving being on my own, having my own things to take care of and not having all kinds of people bossing me around and telling me what I should and should not do. It feels like freedom (even with all the homework) to be able to do my own thing, live my own pace.

I'm feeling better now. Better then I did half a year ago. Or even year ago. Intern really wasn't a nice experience for me. I was already afraid of the intern because my last inturn didn't go all to well. Because of personal reasons and a huge miscommunication I got kicked out of my first internship. The second internship was nice, the people were nice to me, but I hardly did anything other then pulling out threats and stitches.
Because of that I got introduced to a Comstume/Carnival atelier. So I could learn to make special cloths and costumes. But in truth it was a Costume/Carnival RENTAL and a change/repair atelier. I stayed there because I wanted to finish the inturn, prove myself I could do it. Though I have to say I learned a few new tricks there and that the lady and her husband where nice to me, the inturn period messed me up. They both didn't say things directly and didn't show their emotions, at all (she looked moody when talking in a sugery laced voice to her grandchild).
That is why I think you should always be direct to people about things that bother you. Not in a rude way, but in a polite but direct way, after or during the happening of the annoyance. Don't let it bottle up inside and then let it out when the other person maybe already forgot about it.
That's what happened with them. After a while I started always worrying if I did everything okay, or if they where mad at me without me knowing. It really damaged my trust in people, my self-worth and self confidence.

And the exama pretty much ruined my love for making/designing cloths. Why? I didn't do my thing during my exams. I was so focused on doing what I thought other people expected of me, what I knew would get me the right grades to pass the exam, that I forgot to do my own thing with my collection and, more importantly even, have FUN during the process of making my collection.
For those who haven't followed it: I am now a graduated tailored fashion specialist and during my exam I had to make a perfectly tailored and costom made collection existing out of 5 clothing pieces. For me that was a bodysuit, a (plastic see-trough) jacket, a waist pants, a top, a dress and a gilet.
The exams, my not doing my own thing and just everything together ruined my love for making cloths. It took me quite a while to recover from that. I was afraid to finish the maid costumes I've been entrusted with, as well as the Princess Princess (anime) dress that I was asked to make. I had lost all confidence in myself.
So you should always do what feels best, what feels right to you. Don't just do things because other people expect you to do it, it will only make you feel bad and ruin the love you have for the things you're doing.

I've gotten it back now. My self confidence, my wanting to do my own thing, my trust in me. I have really enjoyed finishing the maid costumes and the Princess Princess dress. I'm even thinking of making my own cloths again, not just costumes. Living on my own really did me well. I'm growing up a bit, learning new things and discovering new things. I'm becoming a bit more me each day. And I love it. I love me!

I want to write about the maid costumes next time. Maybe I will.
I have to go to school now though :) I wish you all a happy day.

And remember: Always do what feels right and follow your heart.

*waves* baibai
chibiohimesama.