Hello there,
M just posting something quick today.
Today is the first day of my spring break. This week I'm going to sewing a lot (need to finish the maid costumes and a costume for my sister) and I got lots of homework and studying to do. I need to study harder for Japanese. Even though I'm doing okay, I'm still really slow and, well, I got this feeling that I'm actually doing quite bad with Japanese.
And I feel lost. I'm stuck and I don't know which goal to reach to, or which path to take. I like to see life as a road. Right now I have tons of little roads I can take but, I don't know which one! And everyone around me seems to be taking those little roads without much hesitation.
I want to take life as it is at the moment, but, I do want to keep moving forward somewhat. Now I just feel stuck. I really don't know what I want to do with my life. The truth is, I'm a real wanna-be-something. The things like cute and a fashion designer are things I have been wanting to be/become for ages but other then that. I sometimes wonder if I'm not just riding on other peoples ideals, and they enthusiasm they have for the things they love. I keep finding that I do that a lot, these days. I wonder if I used to do it even more. I mean, at least now I no longer try to be the person other people wanted me to become.
Some days ago someone asked my why I was becoming so distant from them. Maybe even a bit hostile? When I thought about that I had to admit to myself that I've become distant and hostile to almost all of my old friends. Maybe its because I'm changing? I'm becoming someone els and they no longer know the me who I have become? Maybe I've become distant and hostile because, because... because I think/feel they still want me to be the old me? I don't know.
An other friend made me think about something els. I have learned to appreciate things more then I used to. Like fashion. Or cloths in general. Art as well. I've always appreciated music (I've just never been completely obsessed with an idol or band).
Maybe I'm just thinking to much and living to little. Who knows.
Just my little rant.
Until next time <3
Are you sure that the people around you are making their choices without hesitation? Sometimes how we see things aren't how things are. So it might be that things look easy but that they've thought about it for a long time aswell, and you might have not been part of that process. Though i could be wrong, some people really know what they want and chase after that. But in my experience, for most people it's not like that.
BeantwoordenVerwijderenEither way, things might not be so black and white for a while. Hence, you might not find that there is one right path. But that doesn't mean you can enjoy the process :) (Or at least, that's how i feel. I recognize your worries in this, i feel the same way. I am graduating soon, what's going to happen next? No one knows)
However it's always good to try and stay in the moment, since it's the only place we can really be. Tomorrow will always be tomorrow.
And for the last part... Everyone changes. For ourselves it doesn't seem very clear since it happens gradually. But when someone else points it out to us we suddenly become aware of it. You might lose some old friends and might gain new. It's the way things work :) However a true friend will always support you in the path you choose to take now, even if it's completely different from what they would do. (Again, this is what happened to me. I lost old friends, some in a natural way others in a nasty way since we tried to hold on to the past. But i gained new friends aswell that fit my life as it is now. And there are those close friends that were there then, and are still there now. And i deeply treasure those friendships)
Long story short, i hope it works out for you. Go with the flow! (And excuse my English)
"And I feel lost. I'm stuck and I don't know which goal to reach to, or which path to take. I like to see life as a road. Right now I have tons of little roads I can take but, I don't know which one! And everyone around me seems to be taking those little roads without much hesitation. "
BeantwoordenVerwijderenMost people appear that way but are just as doubtfully at choices as you and me.... and a few of them really don't doubt just go with the flow.
The best thing to do is to make lists to prioritize what you want to do..and what you need to do.
"I want to take life as it is at the moment, but, I do want to keep moving forward somewhat."
Balance is the keyword here xD trapping yourself in the present is the easy way out ...but when you work that might work... but with school stuf it doesnt... :(
". The truth is, I'm a real wanna-be-something. The things like cute and a fashion designer are things I have been wanting to be/become for ages but other then that. I sometimes wonder if I'm not just riding on other peoples ideals, and they enthusiasm they have for the things they love."
Knowing you goals and reaching for them is almost everyone dream.
The what after that is something really hard to see.
I think you really know what you want to be :) the rest is just a little doubt :)
"at least now I no longer try to be the person other people wanted me to become. "
This is something most people lack :P self reflection :)
Its better to make mistakes and realize it... then believe you never make mistakes and just go along with it.
And at the last part... Friends are awesome but its fragile .... i wish every friendship would last but some somehow just disappear and others you slowly lose...
Its part of life some will stay :) and you grow closer to them and sometimes even closer to new ones :)
"nankurunaisa"