Restless rant..

Hello my dear readers *bows*

That looked so cool in my head, to bad I'm actually anything but cool...
Anyways the reason I'm writing this evening at 11.26 pm: I feel restless. And not just a little bit either! Its super annoying.

I think it is because I haven't been amongst people today. Which makes me feel super lonely and sad. But I have school again tomorrow yay. Yes I'm one of those weird people that actually loves to go to school. But hey what would you do if you felt uber lonely at the student house your living at (or at your parents home, for that matter).

Last week was really fun. A few of my classmates and my senpai finally got me to say yes to help them in a musical play for the open day of our school. I had wanted to help sooner but I was always focused on my homework. Now that I decided I wanted to have more fun I thought it wouldn't hurt to help. It was lots of fun! (if any of my senpai read this: you rock and your awesome and thank you for letting me join)

We were doing a "Takarazuka" play. Which is a Japanese theater style, based on the western musicals and revue, and where all the parts are played by girls! It's really awesome! Anyhow, I got to play a guy. And I got the feeling I kind of really sucked at it, even if I played my part okay. I want to be more manly sometimes. I got this girl in my class whom I totally adore. She's super cute at times, but she can be really manly, which is so totally awesome. I want to be like that, too. When I feel like it.

I think thats making me feel restless too. I hate not being able to be the things I want to be or do the things I want to do. Though I know I can't be everything I want to be, or do everything I want to do perfectly, I still want to. It makes me feel like a failure. "Yet an other thing I can add to my 'fail' list".

It's kind of ironic. While cleaning my room today I put up some new "luck4you" cards. Theres this one that says :"The only thing that can make you happy, is being happy with who you are". Which is, as much as I hate to admit it, something I'm not. When I realized in this blog entry I really don't like talking about myself, I've been really thinking about who I am. Who I really am, not just who I want to be. When I was thinking about it I also realized I tend to just go hyper over things because my "role" needs me to go hyper over it. Like the way I used to totally go hyper over lolita cloths. Now don't get me wrong I LOVE lolita fashion. It's just... not really my thing, to wear. I have it with a lot of other things. But really I don't even have favorite things. Not really anyways.

It may sound weird but, I'm really happy I'm realizing some of these things. I'm finally getting to know me. I'm getting to know parts of me, both parts I like and parts I dislike, but they're still parts of me. I can finally introduce I bit more about myself then just my name, birthday, age and occupation. Just a bit, but it's more then before so I'm happy.

Tomorrow I'm going to see if I can help my senpai out with some school news paper kind of thing. Hopefully I can help a bit.

I'm still restless. And I'm still not tired. Maybe I will dig around Gyaru pictures now. I want to get new shoes, but I have no idea which kind I want yet (I'm stuck between buying high super cute summer heals or good comfi sneakers).

O well. Picture of my hair is still in the making, my cam died. Need to remember to look for a new one.

I hope I didn't bother anyone with this rant (and if I have, thank you for reading it all, even though it bothered you). Hopefully next post will be a bit more... less rant like.

Until next time~ *tries an attempt at bowing really manly*
(time now, 11:54 PM)